the trip with the fam!

So this blog post is long overdue and I am really sorry about that- I had actually written a blog post before my parents came, but my internet ran out before I could post it, maybe I’ll post it up but it’s kind of out of date.

As some of you may or may not know the most difficult time of my service (thus far and hopefully all around ) was the time following my trip to America. I was legitimately bummed out and pretty unhappy, and I would be lying to if you I hadn’t been worried I would fall back into the melancholic pit that was the month of September after my family visited. Thankfully that was not the case! Getting to see Morocco through the eyes/experiences of my family made me love and appreciate this country even more. Morocco was on its best behavior, no angry drivers, pickpockets or harassers (minus one guy who yelled "condom" at us in the medina of Marrakech)  instead my family got to experience what I have come to love here. I realized I had taken for granted/ just expected the generosity and kindness and hospitality of Moroccans as a whole- getting a handful of dates, a bundle of mint, an invitation for food or free cookies  from friends and strangers is totally normal for me- but it was really touching to see happen for the first time for my mother and father. When things like that happened my mother said “this would never happen in New York!” and I’m hoping to keep that in mind upon my return to the states, hopefully I won’t become known as the creepy dreadlocked lady who invites strangers in her house all the time for food and tea- but for reals the generosity and the amount that people share here is something that America could benefit from.

So now onto the trip!

the square from the side 

After a 2.5 hour line at customs mom and jack finally made it out of the Marakesh airport in our rental car- Mom and Jack killed it driving, and Kesh is not an easy place to be a passenger let a lone a driver- luckily our hotel was close by and super nice! Also within the first 45 minutes of them being on sovereign Moroccan soil I was asked twice about my unmarried relationship status. The fam got a great price on the hotel stateside and they only charged me 30 bucks or so to crash and even brought me up a bed. We got free tea, delicious snacks (that I actually think we were meant to pay for) and were even serenaded upon our arrival by a skinny French lady in a gold sparkly dress singing some jazz- it was all very fancy and NOTHING like being here as a PCV, we weren’t allowed to carry our bags, I was afraid to touch things, the food menu had things on it that cost more then I spend on groceries in a month. I told the ladies at the front desk that they might have to remove me forcibly because that shower was AWESOME. I jumped them into morocco head first by dragging us to the Marakesh center Jmee El fnaa- which was BUMPING. Because of the school break everyone and their brother, their cousin, their cousins wife and kids and mothers and grandmothers and everything in between were in Marakesh ( I know of at least 5 people from site who went to ‘Kesh during the break)- but I was told there was delicious tagine to be had at a legitimate price so we braved the crowd. I think Jack got a little overwhelmed, but it was cool to see it at night and so busy. Morocco is definitely a country worth listening to, especially in the square . 

some of the marakesh medina

The next morning mom and I kind of ditched Jack and took an early morning adventure into the old Medina, and while not everything was open good god is Marakesh incredibly pleasant at 8am- if you are overwhelmed by cities get a good early start in the morning and you’ll have the old medina to yourself. We started the day with a very Moroccan breakfast of café ns-ns, Milwil/msmin and avocado juice- and while mom was a little skeptical of the bright green liquid placed in front of her, she was a convert just like the rest of us! We got to do some shopping; I got to show off my baller bargaining skills (and was only slightly ripped off). After our shopping trip we began the climb in our Air Conditioned car over the tishka pass. 

the very quiet morning in the medina

buying nuts for our car ride! 

I will admit that renting a car was my idea, and a selfish one. I have gone over the tishka so many gd times and every time it’s zooming by on a bus, we probably could have chartered taxis just as easily and have come out a little under the cost of the car but having the freedom of a vehicle made the trip so much less stressful (at least for me). Mom and jack both did a great job on the Tishka, and we were able to stop for fossils, pictures and much needed pee breaks. 

A storks nest on a mineret

a nice vista

our car and an amusing road sign

one of the many stone/earth villages along the pass. 

the waterfall across the mountains after the "layer cake " section of the tishka

at the top of what i call the "layer cake section" 

Unfortunately for the fam, the managed to be here during the HOTTEST week of the year thus far, dude it was a crazy heat wave 100 plus degrees- this time last year I was still wearing a sweater/flannel to keep me warm during the day. Literally the day after they left it dropped almost 20-40 degrees (though  that is now no longer true).

mom coming down a set of stairs in n'kob

OK back to the trip- we spent the next 2 days hanging out in N’kob- this was the chillaxin part of the trip, we went for walks around town, the palmerie, played scrabble, ate food of my own creation (pizza and tagine). We also, of course, visited my buds the cookie ladies and my host family the bounty of gifts mom and I stressed over in tow. I think the hot pads/ oven hot hands confused people but were appreciated nonetheless. We also got a very enthusiastic science talk from my friend Brahim who is an amateur archeologist.  Having my parents here made me feel good about my integration here, while I watched my family squirm uncomfortably as we sat awkwardly in one place or another I realized how normal it felt for me to just hang out on a stuffed flour sack on the side of the road with a group of ladies speaking a language I didn’t understand.  

old dude carrying a shovel

a lady near my house making bread in the traditional oven! 

the oldest kasbah in nkob

the watchtower and jack

me at the watchtower

mom and I at the watchtower

pizza in my kitchen!!!!

After N’kob we went out to Erfoud/Merzouga for
our camel trek, which was the part I was most looking forward to. Thank god we had AC because the trip was hot and long, and probably the most boring landscape ever, hundreds of miles of hot scorched rocks with a few mountains and scrubby plant life here and there (including the cabbage tree! My favorite.) Mom’s guide book mentioned a fossil museum with free admission so we decided to check that out. I was dubious about the legitimacy/fanciness of this supposed museum but I was thoroughly impressed and totally fascinated by all the spcemins on display. Most common were trilobites and ammonites, but there were also crinoids and stars and all sorts of other cool stuff, so many fossils! And so many of them from right around the museum. 

As you all may or may no know two of Peace Corps goals for volunteers is the exchange of culture back and forth- and while as a PCV I’ve made a point to become part of my community sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re doing it more for your own benefit then anyone elses- you start asking questions like “does anyone really care?” and “do they actually want me here?” It’s easy to get wrapped up in this cloud for quite a time, but while we were at the museum I definitely felt like what I was doing meant something to people- the museum guide/leader who was fluent in 5 languages found us while we were browsing and offered us a ‘backstage tour’ telling me he wanted to show us how they did things and give us a discount at the shop (20-40% on everything geez!)  because how important it was that I was there to “learn about their culture” – people were also impresses when I told them my town, which I’m learning has a bit of a reputation for being mskin (sad/poor ) . Our impromptu guide took us into the initial cleaning room where boxes and boxes of rocks were piled high along the walls with fossils waiting to be uncovered by the little metal dentists drill. Then he took us to the professional workshop- equipment and training provided, I believe, by a partner located in Arizona. Then they took us into the flashy room where they kept the expensive stuff as well as special commission and museum pieces. It was cool to see creatures that were 300 million years old that looked like they were still in motion under the prehistoric ocean. We went a little banana’s at the gift shop and filled up on ammonite shells and keychains, a gorgeous crinoid for jack and all other sorts of gifts for ourselves and people at home. I will admit before this trip I was pretty ambivalent about fossils, but I’m now pretty excited about all of it, also it turns out the guy who did planet earth came and did an piece about the fossils in the area, so I’m definitely going to check that out! 

Still buzzing from our fossil purchases and exciting excursion back in time we made our way to a restaurant for some food before heading out on out camel trek. We ordered cous cous and I’m disappointed in the fact that that was the cous cous my family had over here because I love couscous so much! But it wasn’t all bad. After we met up with our driver/ guide who took us in his 4x4 over glorified ruts in the desert to the auberge in Merzouga. We had some tea, and chilled by the pool for an hour until the temps went down a bit and then headed out to our camels! Our guide Hassan (I think) wore his sahara blue jlaba thing and a bright turban and led us out into the desert. The dunes were gorgeous and made me miss my days in lighting design, there were so many blues and purples mixed in with the expected oranges and whites and yellows of the desert. It was so cool riding along on a camel into the Sahara. We arrived at our campsite, which was a little sandless valley among the dunes that was actually a bed of fossilized coral. For being out in the desert it was super swanky; nomad tents with full on mattresses, western toilets, hot showers and electricity. We shared the campsite with three French dudes who were a little rowdy, but in a very French way. In typical Moroccan fashion we were given tea and peanuts upon arrival and hung out then were stuffed with food – a salad/veggie plate, tomato stewed beef a GIANT tagine with some of the best eggplant I’ve had in this country followed by fruit and dates finally followed by a campfire and some drums and music. The moon and stars over the dunes were incredible and mom and both witnessed a star go out/die which was crazy! I’m glad she saw it too otherwise I would have thought I was crazy. Suddenly this star in the sky got really really bright then just faded away. In a way, that day was time travel day between the fossils and the star we traveled back in time (and space! ).

In the morning we were woken up to catch the sunrise over the desert which was a beautiful (however early) start to the day. Then we settled down for a very Moroccan breakfast of juice and coffee and bread and olives with butter and jam and olive oil. After breakfast we headed back out of the desert astride our camels- in case you were wondering camels sound like a combination of Chewbacca and a gurgling drain. Our ride back was uneventful and pleasant, not too hot because of the early start. After we exited the desert our driver met us in his 4x4 and took zooming back over the more mars like desert landscape. He had heard us talking excitedly about fossils so on the way back stopped us off at this small field area where they mined for the bigger pieces for tabletops and counters and other household items. This was literally a field of fossils, never in my life would I have thought I could just bend over and pick up something that lived 300 million years ago in the OCEAN, but that’s what we did. At first the driver left the engine idling then realized that we were all to entranced crawling around picking up fossils that he turned his car off. Before we left we were swarmed with a few guys holding polished fossils in old display boxes and mom bought two gorgeous ammonites and jack bought this long spiney guy whose name I forget. Our guide also assisted us in buying some dates on our return to Erfoud and I’m talking the big money show pony dates- these puppies weren’t the shriveled up 1.5inch things I can get here but dates the size of a babies fist that were absolutely delicious. In another example of  the generosity here our guide invited us over for  a tagine lunch and so we drove along the road towards errachidia to look at the palmeries and earth towns of the ziz valley to pass the time.

We made it back to N’kob that night and prepared mom and jacks baggage which mostly involved the very difficulty decision-making process of what rocks would be going back stateside. 

The next morning we stopped off for some bread from the cookie ladies and some laughing cow triangles and made our way back over the tishka. We spend the night with my love Sarah Quinn who took us around Tamslohte’s zowei/ancient religious school. We hung out at the café and ate some cliff bars, and made some chicken tagine. Bright and early the next morning we packed back into the rental car and made our way back to the airport.

            It was hard saying goodbye and the trip definitely could have been longer. But it was amazing to be able to share the place I’ve been calling home for over a year with people I love. 

cranky doubt, and frustration

 This is a record breaking week. I’ve decided to write another blog post just for shits and giggles. Mostly bc I want to share with ya’ll how im feeling. As a warning this post might be mildly self deprecating, so apologies.

So a few things. First of all. Today I wore these baggy ass harem pants, a long baggy bathing suit cover up and got tons of compliments. I mean honestly, it is probably one of the frumpiest outfits I have ever put together. But it was a big hit. Now the outfit that I put together yesterday that I thought was super cute… not  a word. Sometimes morocco is so unpredictable.

So as you all may or may not know every week I teach (or attempt to teach) at the student boarding house, where middle and high school aged kids stay during the week if their homes are too far away to commute in to the schools every morning. So. This is a ROUGH group of kids to teach. In my opinion I think a group of teens and pre-teens living together 6 days a week with minimal entertainment or adult supervision is bound to be a recipe for disaster, or at least a weird psychological make up in kid.  The boarding house is like a summer camp without any of the programming, ie just a bunch of kids living on bunkbeds in a room together. The craziest part is that I sought out the work there, no one asked me this year I scheduled myself into this.  Every week I think… it’s going to be easier, it’s going to be a better class, and it never is. Never. I question my judgment, my choices, my ideas, my abilities and my sanity.  Every week I have to fight and fight and fight and deal with non-stop shenanigans. Last week when for the third week running I was telling the middle schoolers they couldn’t come into my class one of them bit my finger. Motherfucker bit my finger, not hard, but still. Then this week he had the balls to tell me I wasn’t at the youth center when his class time is, which I was, I most definitely was. SHENANIGANS! I try to make a habit of not swearing in my classes but sometimes those words just tumble out of me unbidden, because at times there are no other words left.  The thing that does make me feel better is that I’m not the only PCV that has trouble controlling the chaos in the classroom.

 I have tried all sorts of tricks but nothing seems to work. One of the biggest battles is that I have become more strict on when I close the door and don’t let students in anymore, (because come on, you sleep, eat, and study less then 50 feet from the classroom –I  also announce a 2 minute (which is more like 5 minute) warning and a 1 minute warning, and then give another 10 minute lee-way before I close the door, which even taking in account the cultural perception of time here I think is more than generous). But without fail every week the same kids come late, then throw a fit, beg and plead, bang on the closed door, make pouty faces and just generally cause a ruckus and a general disruption. Its become common-place for kids to throw rocks at the thankfully high windows, and this week a girl even managed to break one, good job kid!  For the third week running you came late to class, for the third week running I told you come on time next week, and for the third week running you’ve interrupted the students who were able to come on time. Pain. In. my. Ass.

Also another totally unhelpful thing regarding time is for some unknown reason dinner has moved from 7:30 until 8 and then the kids have barely started eating until 8:15 which means that I’m teaching past 9pm. In my community you never see any ladies out after a certain hour. It is pretty unacceptable or unheard of for a woman to be out alone after a certain time of night unless it’s Ramadan. I wasn’t able to take the girls out of the student house compound  and go 30 feet away to the youth center because they’re girls and the sun is down, or something. I’m not 100% sure why but there’s definitely a culture here about having lady bits and being out after a certain time. I luckily fit into a grey area, because I’m not from morocco, but after a certain time it’s not just that I’m the only woman out and about I’m close to the only person out and a bout. So as a result while I’m pulling out my hair trying to get through a simple lesson, it could possibly effect my reputation around town.

When things get tough in the classroom it’s hard not to question my skills. I’m not an ESL teacher and as a result I’m often making shit up and pulling things out of my ass. I’ve been really up front and clear that I don’t know English grammar, kids say a verb tense or something and I say “I don’t know” “you probably know more then me. It’s legit I’m an English speaker, so that’s what I teach, speaking, listening and writing, not grammar, and I think it’s legit that I don’t know it.  I’ve been really blessed with an amazing and unique set of job opportunities, but in that uniqueness is a little bit its downfall, because besides the stuff I hear from the kids themselves or my co-workers/peers I have had zero feedback or observation on whether or not I’m actually good at what I’m trying to do, namely teaching. When I get stuck in these situations where week after week I’m fighting and trying I can’t help but wonder is it me?

 During my peace corps service it’s been really hard to know whether or not no one is coming because it’s not important to them, or  is it me, am I just a bad teacher? It’s legitimately impossible to know for sure (that is unless when the new volunteer gets here  and she has solid attendance or something, but even then it’s kind of unclear my time here has allowed her to do). With all the time I have to think and think and over-think and re-think and analyze and over-analyze then start over again as it’s easy to get wrapped up in maybe’s,  shoulda, coulda,woulda’s and what ifs- so I’ve tried my best to stop before it spirals out of control, or I harp on anything in particular, because at the end of the day those sorts of thoughts don’t add anything but except negative value to my life. It’s just every week when I leave the student house with a sore throat, tired, frustrated, fed up and not believing an hour can feel so long I can’t help but wonder.

To end on a positive note, while these kids are rough sauce in the structure of the classroom I have a lot of fun hanging out and just talking, or playing games or just being my ridiculous self. I often end up doing “the monkey dance” (as many of us PCVls like to call it, ie someone says dance, and we dance, someone says sing, so we sing etc etc). This place is where I experience some of my most affirming moments in my service. It’s a hard contrast to go from a heart opening, soul warming, and laughter filled afternoon to classroom filled with frustration, anger, and sadness.

So here’s this post, maybe I’ll start updating more often, maybe with just a little bit from my day. My observations etc. 

i found this in my classroom one day a while back, it says "i love you michelle"  so... maybe i'm not all bad ;)

birthdays and obsessions and my terrible super power.

Happy birthday to me!! It’s been a crazy 12 months. Fast and slow all at the same time. This time last year I had just fractured a bone in my foot and didn’t know it, I was limping around, about to head to spring camp. In all honestly not a lot has changed since last year, my foot still hurts, I’m still not in shape, I still don’t do yoga everyday. This is not to say that tings aren’t good. I’m feeling content, established, happy most of the time, most days feel awesome but I still apprehensive and sometimes nervous about things such as my foot, my place here in my tiny town, how my service is going altogether, what I’m going to do in 8 months when I return home… the list can go on and on but who knows? It’s best to focus on what is good and generally speaking life is all around pretty good. My classes are going pretty well, and this week I enter a new chapter in my service when my new site mate arrives, so that’s exciting. I should also mention my list of accomplishments a little, non-work related I’ve made a ton of craft projects in the last 12 months and learned how to make some really good food.

Birthdays are really weird, I’ve always liked celebrating my birthday, but I’ve learned that unless you’re around a group of good friends, birthdays can be pretty dismal or sad. I’ve had a wide range of birthdays in my adult life, going from awesome get togethers with my closest, to mental breakdowns, to a nice gesture from my co-workers in letting me use the company van to drive out to get tasty vegan food. The best birthdays to me involve good food and good friends. This year was pretty low key I spent all day finishing up a project and skypeing with my mom. Then I made myself a cheesecake, which turned out pretty well and then attempted to make gnocchi, a food I’ve never really even eaten before, so who knows if it’s any good, tastes ok to me, but I’m bored with trying to make it, way too time consuming currently, and they didn’t boil very well, so I’ve had to pan fry them. I’ve also discovered that I do in fact have a super power, the power to make a clean kitchen dirty in less then 5 minutes. It is not a fun super power to have. Nothing like making delicious food then realizing you’ve managed to make every single utensil, surface and dish not only dirty but a complete mess. Worst. Power. Ever. This is to say that my kitchen is a total disaster as I write this.

In other news I’ve become 12 year old fan girl obsessed with the british tv show Doctor Who. It’s bad news bears, but as a pcv there's lots of empty time ( and space (!)) filling the days it’s easy to fixate on something. I’ve started to say the word “rubbish” and have even begun re-integrating other bitish-isms into my current vocab that I picked up when I lived in London in college. I’ve re-watched several episodes twice in one week, which is a new development (usually I give myself a few weeks between re-watching something). I’ve become very endeared by the goofy childlike nerdiness of the character of the Doctor and just the general awesomeness of this show. I’ve always been a sci-fi and fantasy fan (having grown up on x-files, xena, captain planet and the superman show the louis and clark adventures that was once on tnt. ) so the fact that Dr Who appeals to me makes sense. Dr Who now makes its way into my repetoire of shows I’ve watched too many times- joining superstar shows like Community, Parks and Rec and The Office peppering in Modern Family, Arrested Development, and Family guy from time to time. I never really watched tv until I graduated college, and now it seems like I do it far too often- To be fair, I often watch tv while I’m working on other things like crochet or cross stitch. If I could get more audiobooks, or more effectively download podcasts I would listen to those but instead I fall into watching tv. Clearly the fact that I’m putting it in a freaking blog post should be alarming. But here I am, airing my tv obsession on my blog. But for reals, watch this clip and tell me this show isn’t awesome and perfect for me. Shenanigans…. One of my favorite words, and my favorite slang word I’ve taught to my classes.

So that’s about it for now. Life is good. I love crochet. I love Doctor Who. I love food. I do not love a dirty kitchen (and I do not love doing dishes. ) 

shenanigans quote video, for some reason i couldn't find the video through this link thingy on my blog stuff. anyways. 

helloooooo!

hello dear blog world.

i have had so many intentions this month for this blog. i had half of a blog post in word and then my hard drive got cranky and when i restarted my computer the document didn't restore.

so for this month i had been wanting to put up a video blog from my trip over a month ago to a waterfall.. that still hasn't happened.

it's been a very religious-kind of month this so far and i've wanted to write about that. still hasn't happened.

i thought it would be fun to do a food/cooking video post and i'm glad that didn't happen because in my attempt to make delicious beet carrot orange juice my blender's engine kicked it and it would have been pretty obvious to you all that my kitchen is pretty sad and i had no idea what i was doing. i have a little extra funds so i'm going to start looking for nicer blender... i wish i could get a food processor, i'm not holding my breath on that one. but i might make a video tomorrow when i do my cooking adventure. we'll see. that might not ever happen either.

I've had a  lot of luck this month and have been able to have great skype converstations/hangouts with friends and family which has been great. I love skype and I really love having internet. I don't know what's going to happen in the summer. it's possible the heat will melt my usb so we'll see.

Tomorrow i'm hoping to tidy up my house some more, and then make a shit ton of food. this week at souk (market) there were a lot of vegetables, i got really really lucky and was able to get LETTUCE! i'm so excited Most of the time I don't mind the things I can and cannot get in terms of vegetables and fruits but man. i want lemons... i want shrimp... i want more lettuce and cauliflower... also i miss planning, or buying things in a normal way. this week i ended up with a lot of vegetables and then got home and realized i had no idea what to do in terms of a cohesive menu with all the random vegetables i got. also a few weeks ago i was able to get collard greens/moroccan's version of kale and it hasn't come back since and it is so sad. i made this delicious and simple dish collards sauteed with a ton of garlic and onions then served on pasta with just a little bit of vinegar and some grated cheese... holy cow. one of the most delicious things i've ever made. i dream of it still. soooo... i'm hoping that i can rekindle the feeling of  fresh, healthy and simple by making fresh spring rolls with peanut sauce tomorrow afternoon.. i think i'm in it to win it because i have beets, carrots, string beans, lettuce, fresh mint, strawberries and tomorrow morning hopefully a cucumber.  I'm also soaking some barley overnight and last week i bought an extra box of oats and a new thing of honey, i got some walnuts and i am going to make some granola! hopefully... this could be great or terrible.

I'm realizing now food is a lot of what i think about. food is so fascinating. We all need to eat it. but it is such a crazy thing. when i was vegan everyone was always up my ass about the food i was or wasn't eating. i like to eat food. it gets me into trouble (read weight gain), it pre-occupies so much of my time.  it's hard not to have an unhealthy relationship with food. during my service i get all feast and famine. one week i eat nothing but popcorn and bread and pasta with cheese sauce. the next i'm making quiche's and juices and salads and getting crazy. I need to be more consistent. so yes.

also there is some weird smell in my bedroom. i'm congested and i had been very unwashed so when i was playing the "what's that smell, and where's it coming from" game i was a contendor but now that i am no longer in the running (having showered and perfumed myself very nicely) i am thoroughly confused and annoyed. i'm beginning to think it's the neighbors. the wall next to my bed leads into my neighbors courtyard where they keep the animals. so i'm hoping that it's that.

so... here's a rambly completely tangential blog post for you all. maybe i'll write a real one tomorrow. or later this week. or something. It's not really an excuse because i'm not actually that busy but in terms of my service this is the busiest i have ever been . i have classes 5 days a week and i've been teaching the women at the women's center how to do bead crochet which has been fun. ok. so later this week i will post pictures of my bead crochet activity, my new mason jar holder i made, as well s maybe some of the food i'm constantly going on about and maybe me cooking in my kitchen. hooray for non committal irrelevant blog posts! 

so... here we are

So peace corps is filled with ups and downs and currently I’m in an upward slant. It’s a combination of finally having work, having work come to me directly and a nice blend of good feelings and mild apathy for the things that I’ve come to accept will not be happening for me here. Apathy may sound like a strong word, but it’s important for me to really be at peace with the things I have available to me for the rest of my service.

A few weeks ago a group of 15 or so boys came to me and asked if I would teach them English three times a week, so that was exciting! I’ve never been approached to do work for someone before, and it’s incredible how different those classes are compared to my other classes where there isn’t a level of commitment or they are there because they feel like they have to be. The latter (the ones who feel like they have to be there) applies to my classes at the student boarding house, they are a tough group of kids- last year was equally as challenging and I was hoping that this year would be easier and after 1 full week of classes it is proving to be equally as difficult. This year is especially challenging because there is a ton of crap in the classroom, so the already small space is now halved. So that’s fun to deal with. Also my youth center has put plywood over all the windows instead of trying to fix them because 75%-85% of the window panes have all been broken.  So now I work in a drug dealers house. It’s kind of annoying because the windows are too high for me to reach so I have to stand on a chair to open them, and I have to open them otherwise my classroom is pitch black, so that’s fun. Luckily I now have all the desks I need, a black board that more or less works, and at least with the windows open it feels nice, breezey and spring-like in there on Saturday afternoons while I wait in vain for my students to arrive.

I also cleaned my house for realsies this week, and as much as I didn’t mind having a messy house/room/kitchen it’s crazy how nice it is to have a clean room. In bad news on that front, part of the reason I was procrastinating on cleaning was because now I feel like I can take a puppy into my house. There’s a little dude that I’ve gotten to know pretty well, I’ve named him Achilles because the poor little muffin has broken back right leg. Because he’s hurt he hasn’t moved in the past week, so every day I get to visit him and say hello and hang out, he’s a bit of a biter but I’m trying to work on that. Today I’m going to see if there’s someone in town who can help him, because I’m not 100% sure what to do. It’s hurting my moral fiber that I can’t just scoop him up and take him to a vet. It’s been inspiring though, Moroccans can be kind of cruel to dogs, throwing rocks at them,  ignoring them, screaming in fear even when they approach them with wagging tails. It ‘confuses me that people think dogs are mean when I’ve seen dogs on the street that have sat calmly while some kids have clearly drawn on them with marker- a mean dog would not let that happen. Anyways. Achilles has been being taken care of and looked after by a lot of the butchers in the area, he always has food, and oftentimes a little bowl for water. It’s nice to see people helping an animal in need, even an animal they don’t particularly care for. The other day I played with Achilles for an hour and one guy was like “you should take him home” and let me tell you- it’s taking a lot of will power for me not to take him in.  Next week I have to travel to Marrakech and we shall see how he’s doing when I get back. 

            I’ve been keeping busy with work and craft projects and soon I will be doing teaching a group of women from my womens center how to make bead crochet bracelets, so that should be good, well hopefully good, and if it’s not good it will be a spectacular failure, which I am ok with. So here’s some pictures of Achilles and me buying carpets.

excuses... this isn't really a blog update. sorry.

so it's been a while since i've updated here. i kept telling myself i was going to make a video blog entry about my trip to the waterfall a few weeks ago, but i started it and then i got annoyed that it wasn't coming out the way i wanted- so it's still a work in progress.

not much exciting has happened to be honest....

a bunch of puppies have moved in across the street from me and i like to check on them through the hole in the wall every day and i made the mistake of visiting them. i want a dog so badly! it's a little ridiculous. but for now it's "working" to just take pictures and visit every once in a while.

im currently in the big city helping my friend with a women's leadership training, should be good! it's my first event that in more of a "leadership role" for, so it should be fun.

i promise i will update again soon but for now here's some pictures. mostly of puppies and craft projects. and the mini pie i made the other day, because i was hungry and i could.

delicious mini pie! 

these are the cookies my friends the cookie ladies make. they're delicious... the cookies, not the ladies. 

all the bead crochets i started this week. 

this dog i have named moose- both for the majestic maine dwelling animal and the word for "knife" in dirija. i should not have named him. damnit....

the puppies through the hole in the wall! look at those faces! 

choices... and the sustainability of lifestyle

So… I haven’t updated in a little while. I’ve been trying to stick to my new years resolutions as best as I can, I did a nice little yoga routine last night and tried my hand at a little corpse pose meditation which was nice. I’ve got a ways to go, and sloth generally wins out. My classes have been hit or miss, with a lot of what I call “youth center roulette” where you see whether or not people are going to come to your classes or not and at what degree. For example this morning I got a real doozie in the chamber when about 8 kids came to my sport class this morning (after a full week of no one coming to any of my classes) but they were all teenage girls and it was difficult to get them to stop being ridiculous, follow what I consider simple instructions and do sport… you know… the class I was teaching. So ups and downs in terms of my technical “work” I’ve been finding fulfillment in other ways, by hanging out with my friends at the cookie store and helping them make cookies (very slowly) and just generally hanging out. 

I apologize this is sort of a rambling and ranty post, I promise one specific to my time in morocco is coming soon, I had an awesome adventure this past weekend, and I want to try my hand a video blog post, so that’s something to look forward to!

So, as you know I haven’t had internet for the majority of my service. The signal is sort of frustrating and it feels like a waste of money to pay for something that doesn’t work the majority of the time. But I’ve gotten myself a new usb extension cable  that goes all the way up to my roof and got a ½ off recharge so I’ll be online for another month without even having to think about it. As a result I’ve gotten to keep up with more of the worldly current events, my friends opinions on political and social matters, and watch some awesome video’s on youtube. Excluding the youtube video’s for the most part this means that I am once again plagued with the things that I hadn’t thought about since I was last living in America.

green onions

I was on skype with my dearest friend Crunchy and somehow the discussion about canned items came up and how they’re bad for you and bpa and all that good stuff. I was excited last week to use the last can of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup to make myself a delish and homey-feeling tuna casserole (which is a strange comfort sort of food for me to have because my mom never made it….) I wasn’t thinking about bpa or where the soup came from or how it was manufactured etc etc when I was going to make this delicious meal, I was thinking about how I was going to have a piping bowl of America for lunch 4 days in a row, and how that is freaking awesome. When I receive something in a care package I’m not going to think at all about where it came from, how bad it is for me, or any of that crap, I am just excited for a taste of home, even if it isn’t the food I would normally eat in America (that kind of makes it even more fun!)

getting ready for peak market hours- notice the big milk crate. 

The skype conversation reminded me of how I think about things when I was back home. I’m still interested in the politics/social/global aspects of food so it’s something I do read about from time to time with my lovely internets. I just recently read an article about quinoa and how it’s affecting the native farmers and poverty in Bolivia, my good friend Caitlin is asking questions on how she can make the world the better place, how to be more environmentally conscious and reduce our impact on the earth and the global community. These are the sorts of things I thought about all the freaking time in America. Sometimes I didn’t walk the talk, but I knew when I wasn’t. I hadn’t bought or accepted a bottle of water in almost a full year when I left for Morocco. Now here, I buy bottled water because in some places the water isn’t drinkable or tastes absolutely terrible and I need to have the extra bottles around my house in case my water goes out for a long period of time, I don’t think about it. Now that I’m a year in I am beginning to be aware that I’ve accumulated an obscene amount of perfectly good plastic shopping bags that I get when I buy my veggies each week. Let me clarify, I get a plastic shopping bag after I pick out what vegetables I want from the same dude every week that are arranged nicely in big plastic milk crates that are re-used every week. I put the veggies in the banged up plastic bin, he weighs them, then tosses the in a plastic bag which I then put in my backpack. I’m not thinking about where these vegetables are coming from, whether their gmo or how much gasoline was used to cart them to me. I’m not staring at the shiny plastic rows of supermarket apples tied up with a bag clip. My weekly routines feel more like a farmers market then anything else. 

Having the internet has reminded me how stressful being in America can be. I sustained my vegan lifestyle for 2 years because I firmly believed I was helping the world by doing so, I believed that my choices to eat low-impact low-death foods made the world an inherently better place, even if it was just a small corner of that space. I don’t think about that here. I see the sheep people buy at the markets, and then hang in butcher shops cruising the mountain tops around my town. I can’t smell them from miles away like the one time I drove by a factory farm in Texas, they’re cruising the desert with their nomad guardians picking at scrubbley little bushes and walking around for probably miles from week to week. Can you say free range? I don’t think about all the things I used to in America, and it wasn’t until just recently that I realized how liberating it is. I’m going to try an experiment here for the rest of my service and see how little waste I can produce. I’m not going to go crazy about it, it’s not going to rule my life. But I’m going to be more aware of the packaging (of which there is little here) I buy. We’ll see I’ll let you all know.

cow head! cow is in stock! 

 This comes around to a more fundamental issue- in America we are responsible to make these decisions. In morocco, I don’t feel like I need to make those sorts of decisions, most of my food comes in bulk and therefore wrapped only in the necessary plastic bag to contain it. Moroccans re-use to the point of ridiculousness- like way far beyond when something should be considered trashed. I don’t feel responsible to think about the global impact of my choices here. However, as Americans it’s important for us to realize how our lifestyle, how our choices affect others. It’s weird that we have so much processed foods. It’s weird that we don’t know where our food comes from. I was explaining to my friend that it was weird to see a cows head near a butcher shop (to indicate they have cow there) and that I took a picture of it (see below) and she asked me, “so what you don’t eat the head?” I said “no..” she said “what happens to the head of the cow?” I said “umm… I have no idea… ha”. She thought that was pretty freaking weird. What does happen to all those sad cows heads in America? The things I miss dearly here, ie cereal, cheese, potato chips, tofu, vegetarian food, ethnic restaurants are generally things that kind of make no sense in the bigger perspective. I’m not really sure what I mean by that, maybe I’ll come back to it. Maybe what I mean is, yeah, sometimes this simpler lifestyle can be annoying and sad, but do I really need cheese and crackers when I have bread baked in front of me and olive oil in a recycled water bottle? I don’t know…

One time I was talking to my host sister and I was saying how in America, we think we want to live like Moroccans. A lot of us hippy/earthy/environmental types want locally grown and seasonal vegetables, free range meat, local dairy, and to only have the things available to us that reduce our impact on the global community. But as one of those people, I told her, if it was December and I wanted to make a strawberry birthday cake, I would probably still go to a supermarket to make a strawberry birthday cake. If we all had to commit to the ideals of a purely local lifestyle we would probably get cranky really fast. Having done a bit of research, people who go all the way, and I mean more or less 100%,  with these “ideal” lifestyles (no waste, vegan, local etc etc) it is more or less a full time job in the states. Here it’s just how things work.

fancy veggies laid out in rabat

I think part of the reason I stopped being vegan was because it wasn’t making me happy anymore. It was consuming my every moment, I had to pre-plan everything, it took up all my time, and was mentally very taxing. It came down to a peace corps buzzword- sustainability- being vegan wasn’t sustainable for me anymore… it wasn’t making me happy, it was actually making me obnoxious and righteous and angry more then anything else, so I stopped. When it comes to all of this I guess what I want to say is yes… our choices are important, especially in America. It’s ignorant to think that choosing to buy one thing over another or making one choice over isn’t going to affect the world in the long run. Unlike a very close person to me, I do believe the world has the capacity for goodness, and that when each of us makes a decision to  do the right thing or a makes a conscious choice to do one thing differently, even if it’s a small one, like refusing a straw in your tap water (shout out!) you are making the world a better place.  As excited as I am to get back to America in 10 months or so, I’m going to enjoy the liberation of not having to think as hard about this stuff.