Monday, December 31, 2012

resolutions and being a girl.. or something.


As we arrive at new years once again (which for the record is one of my least favorite holidays) I have a lot of things on my mind. I love going online and seeing best of posts on all the different sites I check out and looking back articles that circulate this time of year. Then there’s also those resolutions and everyone’s advice and ideas and how to keep them etc etc. I love and hate the idea of resolutions. I feel like 90% of ladies always make their resolutions “I’m going to eat less, workout more and lose weight”. I’d be lying to you if that wasn’t on my list as well. I always have problems with this idea. As a feminist I want to sit here and say things like I love your body, love the skin your in etc etc. as a self-hating low self esteem chubby girl in the modern era I want to say things like the only people who say shit like that are people who are already skinny or use it as a justification for their weight. I can’t decide where I stand. I’m constantly torn between reality and my angry brain-mess, which is how I’m sure a lot of people feel. On one hand I do believe everyone should love themselves and feel comfortable in their bodies. But it’s also really easy to love the skin your in when everyone finds you sexy and classically beautiful. For the rest of us outliers, it’s kind of a free for all. The media (which is so easy to blame) shoves skinny bitches down our throat and magazines show us tiny twigs and call people skinny ladies curvy. Adele, she’s curvy, Jennifer Hudson was curvy (and personally I liked her before all the weight loss) but that’s just about it most “plus size models” are barely size 12 get real…. Not all of us are blessed in the chest with tiny waists and junk in the trunk. Some of us are less curvy and more cottage cheese in a pair of panty hose. But I digress what I’m trying to say is… there is still this idea/standard of beauty for what is acceptable in curvy ladies.
Something I like about morocco is how liberating it is sometimes to not be thinking about how I look. People want and expect me to wear loose fitting clothes 2 sizes too big, mumu’s and actively under-emphasize my body. It doesn’t take much to be sexy to men here; you’re an American woman! Instant win….  Doesn’t matter how I look honestly, also I do dress differently then women here, because if I didn’t I would go crazy. Women here are mostly bigger, junk in the trunk curvy ladies, who constantly insist on calling me fat. Yeah. So on one hand, yay! I get to wear comfy clothes all day, but then they turn around and call me fat. Wtf. To be honest though, people say “you’re fat in this picture” in the same way someone in the states might say “your hair looks long in this picture”. It’s not so much an insult. Or at least I hope it isn’t…
On the flip side of being able to wear xxl t-shirts and feeling legit is that some days I just feel unattractive and dumpy and the day in day out of pj wearing makes me feel trashy and sad. I would love to pull out my big girl bra, throw on a fun dress put on make up and feel sexy. If wore a sexy outfit around my site I think I would be run out of town, and adversely if I wore a sexy outfit in a city like Marrakech I would probably be harassed to the point of tears. So long story short it’s not worth it.
Being in a country without constant media bombardment, access to television and hit or miss internet has made me kind of complacent about my body. I don’t have a mirror in my house. I don’t go clothes shopping often (therefore avoiding seeing my full form in three mirrors in fitting rooms), I don’t feel like I need to impress anyone and I don’t have any reason to ever dress up. Another thing that I like about morocco is how little access I have to junk food. Sometimes when I travel I treat myself to some Pringles and snickers, but really all I eat in the way of heavily processed food is laughing cow triangle cheese, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t the worst thing for you. As a result of these things I have become sort of complacent about my weight and my health. I do teach an aerobics class 4 times a week (depending on if people come) so that means I’m a tiny bit active but to be honest I have never been so inactive in my life. I hate to admit it but I’m a gym person, so I find it difficult to motivate myself without having a designated time and place to work out. I know I like working out, I know I like being active, I can tell my body is unhappy, and my muscles have all turned to mush, but I’ve just become kind of lazy. So this is where I come back around to the resolution thing. I think at the end of the day a resolution shouldn’t be about losing weight or looking better, I think it’s best if it’s about being healthy and being better. Love the skin you’re in if you feel like you deserve  it- right now I feel like I don’t.

So here are my resolutions
-       eat better/as many veggies as possible
-       finish all craft projects I start
-       do well in teaching my classes
-       be the best I can and enjoy my time here in morocco, because I know the time will fly.
-   read more

As you, dear readers, are deciding on your resolutions I would recommend doing either broad “ways to better my life” items or really specific and achievable goals. Ladies, you’re not going to lose 30 lbs by march…. Or at least you shouldn’t… guys. You’re not going to look like a calvin klein model by march either. At the end of the day a resolution should be something you can realistically do for 12 months. My friend lucia gives each year a definer, she does it on her birthday, but you could do it on new years if you want. This is my year of doing more. You could do the year of adventure, the year of introspection, the year of me, the year of love… whatever you want! Just use it as a way to push yourself to be better and maybe do different things.

So.. that is all for now. I have internet for 2 months, because there was a promotion that gave me 2 months for the price of 1… it’s very exciting. So… feel free to email me/skype me/chat me… I’ll be around! 

Friday, December 14, 2012

packing and stuff... ie living out a suitcase


So there’s a new group coming in January so I thought I’d add my 2 cents on packing and how to effectively be happy here, or just generally any time you’re going to be away from home for long time or living out of a suitcase.

I’ve had a lot of jobs since I’ve graduated college and most of them have been 3-4 months/seasonal and have not allowed for me to have everything I want/own with me (then again for me to take everything I own with me somewhere I would need a pretty big truck, I will not lie to you that I have a lot of stuff). Anyways. Even though I’m a chronic over-packer and I mean a serious over-packer I almost always have more stuff then everyone else- besides that fact I consistently take jobs that force me to evaluate what’s important to me, and what can stay at home in my childhood bedroom (ps thanks mom for not kicking my stuff out- you’re the best and I’m aware I’m really lucky. ) So over the years I have one thing that I want to communicate to anyone who has to pare down your stuff or live out of a suitcase; pack what you love, pack things you like, pack things you will wear. My first theater tour in 2008 I only brought black work and show clothes and nothing fun or colorful or comfy to wear when I wasn’t doing the show- by the end of the first month I was going crazy and just felt like crap, it wasn’t until I went on a really bad shopping binge and brought some fun hippy colorful clothes that I realized I felt terrible because I wasn’t wearing the clothes I wanted to wear. I may be an exception because I tend to get over-attached to clothes, but you have to put something on every day (unless you live in a nudist colony) and I don’t know about you, but when I like my outfit and feel comfortable and like myself in the clothing I have on, I feel more confident, happy and complete. So… that’s my piece of advice, if there’s a dress code, yeah you have to adhere to that, but for the love of all things holy if you leave your favorite tshirt behind I promise you’ll regret that decision, even if you only get to wear it around your house after work or whatever.

So… for those of you coming to morocco here’s a suggestion for your packing- the toughest thing about packing for morocco (other than the fact that you have to project what you will want here and decide what you will have with you for 2 years, and then make it fit into 2 suitcase and a carry on) is that it gets both pretty darn cold, and really freaking hot, so you have to pack a variety of things. As with outdoor education the name of the game is layers… also this list is more geared towards girls, because boys pack so weird, honestly I don’t get it…. One guy in my group brought 1 duffel with him that wasn’t even all that full and didn’t think it was weird- maybe it’s because there’s only so many combinations of pants and t-shirts or button downs, and girls have a million options but come on guys, it’s two years for god sakes, and no one wants to see you walking around in a nasty stained ripped up t-shirt because you only brought one pack of hanes v-necks, think ahead.

For baggage, I recommend one large rolling suitcase, maybe a large rolling duffel ( I went with llbean’s rolling duffel it’s great) and one regular duffel, you’re going to want a little extra room in at least 1 of them because you will get a ton of papers and other important things like your mosquito net, books from the library, a fire detector and med kit during training.  Also bring travel locks for when you ship 1 of your bags to your site in country.

Ok so here goes my suggestions for packing for morocco


-       first of all this whole business casual thing is more or less bullshit, you’ll wear this outfit for swearing in and staging stateside. I recommend a nice looking skirt paired with a practical shirt or blouse or cardigan that could also double as something you would feel comfortable wearing day to day. You don’t need heels, or dress shoes or a Hilary Clinton get up- think more school teacher then wall street
-       2-3 skirts- for me, I wear skirts a lot and I think they’re great because you can wear as much or as little underneath them as you want
-       if you’re a pants person, bring 2 pairs and then maybe 1-2 extra pairs because hand washing will destroy them.
-       2 pairs of leggings, cotton or quick dry/wicking. if you wear skirts a lot I recommend these to wear underneath and 1-2 pairs of winter weight or long john leggings for the winter time.
-       1 pair of shorts to wear around your house in the summer time.
-       2 cardigans or long sleeve shirts, cardigans should ideally be long (to the butt if possible)
-       1-2 t-shirts or other shirts I recommend something not too tight, because if they cling onto your lady parts, or are low cut you may get some unwanted and un-fun attention
-       2-3 warm layers (I used coming to morocco as an excuse to go to the Patagonia outlet, and my merino base layers have done me really well) I recommend 3 because there will be a time when you’re wearing 2 of them, then have to wash them because they’re dirty, and then you will be cold if you don’t have an extra one, also there will probably be a day you put all 3 on
-       so to go along with the winter layers, I also suggest you think of long sleeve summer layers, places like Patagonia and underarmor and other sports gear places make great summer weight layers, I recommend at least 1 of these, 100 degrees in a taxi will feel much nicer if your clothes are wicking moisture for you.
-       -1 vest- winter jackets are a little superfluous down south where I am, so if you have a jacket that can be a vest or a jacket that might be ideal because you never know where you will end up.
-       1 -2 long tank tops to wear as a layer or to cover up a little more
-       1-2 scarves (to hide your lady bits- I highly recommend this especially if you are blessed in the chest)
-       2 pairs of sweatpants
-       1 sweater and 1 sweatshirt, depending on your mood
-       winter hat and gloves
-       underwear, then extra underwear and then some more extra underwear for your mom to send to you
-       -socks, then more socks to save for later
-       1-2 pairs of winter socks
-       warm slippers to wear around your house (honestly one of the best things I have with me)
-       shoes, I suggest 1 pair of hearty sandals (Birkenstocks, chaco’s) and 1 pair of traveling shoes (toms, keens, sneakers etc) and if you work out a lot something to do that in (running shoes, vibrams etc)

-       sleeping bag ( I suggest 0-20 degree)
-       sleeping bag liner
-       hiking backpack for your carry on to use for any trips you take, rolling suitcases are good for your checked but if you have to go somewhere for a training etc it’s nice to have a hands free option and something easier to drag through crowded trains and buses
-       re-useable shopping bag
-       day bag/backpack/messenger/purse etc for your day-to-day uses
-       kindle
-   iphone if you have one for a more portable internet possibilities/games
-   CAMERA- i forgot this the first time around. i have a canon g12 and i love it. it has great quality without being too bulky or even looking that fancy. im a big fan. 
-       computer and computer stuff
-       2 external hard drives- 1 for your computer back ups and one for the “electronic souk” where you will trade tv shows and movies with fellow pcv’s at every training you go to ever
-       journals if you’re the journaling type
-       my mom gave me the idea for something called a “smile folder” it’s just a folder where I put in things that make me happy, letters, pictures, magazine pictures, things to decorate my house… I think this is invaluable because there will be bad days, and it’s nice to have something that can cheer you up no matter what.
-       If you’re a crafty person do not deny this part of you! In my carry-on I brought 8lbs of seed  beads, crochet hooks, knitting needles a cross stitch and 2 skeins of yarn- I have used every single one of them. You can get some stuff here, but if you have a portable craft, or can’t imagine your life without scrapbooking or something make sure that happens.
-       Yoga mat
-       Workout dvd’s if you have any
-       Toiletries you like, your favorite shampoo, soap, deodorant and perfume, I recommend all of these and maybe a little extra, or buy some and set it aside for someone to ship to you while you’re home. It’s the little things that make you happiest
-       Moisturizer! You will need this for sure, bring extra.
-       A nice knife and if you’re really picky a veggie peeler, but you can purchase a veggie peeler here, a nice knife though makes your kitchen so much better
-       Measuring cups and measuring spoons
-       2 packs of ziplock bags, big and small
-       Peanut butter
-       If you have any spices you cant live without (ie mrs dash, lawrys seasoned salt, garlic powder etc ) I’d recommend that too.
-       Gifts for people (think card games like uno or something, local specialities such as maple syrup, books, I have a hard time with gifts, I still haven’t figured it out to be honest)
-       Small fleecy blanket (they have one from Columbia I think that zips into a pillow and zips out into a blanket- super cool)

Wow. I totally come off as an over-packer even online. Oh well. After that think of things that make you happy- for me until I went home a year in I was never truly happy in my bed because im really picky about my pillows, so I brought my favorite pillow back with me.

Also if you have packed everything and then realize you’re unsure about some stuff, like I did, make a  pile somewhere, or put them in a box and leave them with your parents or a friend in case you want them. It’s a lot easier then trying to give directions to your distant desires via email or skype.

I don’t know if anyone will find this helpful. But I guess this could also work for anyone who is also moving far away and having to get rid of their stuff. So I apologize for any of you who find this useless. For those of you who find it helpful, enjoy. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

thanksgiving!


So as you all know I kind of live in the middle of nowhere, this past week 2 peace corps staff came to my site to do the groundwork for the possibility of me getting another volunteer here in april which should be exciting. Anyways while we were waiting the one guy commented “we just kept driving and driving and I was like, she really lives out in the middle of nowhere!” the only time it bothers me is if I actually had a emergency situation. When I broke my foot last march I couldn’t tell if I was freaking out because I was hurt or because I lived so far away from legit medical care and the process of getting to a hospital isn’t exactly fun- but 9 times out of 10 I love living somewhere so far away from cities. It’s quiet and the stars are better then anyplace i've ever been before. But because I live so far out in the bled (country) no one ever visits which is really just a shame for the pcv community because I love hosting and cooking for people, and im a pretty decent cook . So… because I live so far away from everyone I laid the groundwork early for my favorite holiday ever… thanksgiving. I may or may not have told everyone and started planning the menu in june. Ooops. Let’s just say I had a lot of time on my hands this summer, and I wanted to make sure no one had an excuse for not making it to my house. So having more or less threatened everyone in june that they had to come to my house for thanksgiving November finally rolled around and thus my dreams were realized.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever. Let me tell you why, it’s like Christmas but without what I like to call the present pressure. Thanksgiving contains good food, good music, good people, good wine or beer (or in the case of morocco any wine or beer) and no other expectations…. No expectations except for full bellies and good company. When I was younger my family used to go to Chincoteague Island and rent a cottage and just hang out for 3 or so days. I loved it. We all sat around, hung out, drove around the nature preserve saw some awesome little ponies, cheated at board games and just enjoyed each other’s company (one year our dog had just recently had a litter of puppies so we brought all 10 tiny little guys with us! So much fun). My fondest family memories are often pulled up from the times we spent there, it’s also one of the few times my whole family got together at the same time. Over the years my uncle took charge of thanksgiving and as always there is a superfluous amount of food and really fun music. I wanted to carry the family tradition of over-doing it over here in morocco. And while we didn’t have as much left-overs as I was anticipating I think everyone was very satisfied and full.

I was really hoping to have an all-american sort of thanksgiving, a flash back to home. On my trip home in august i had funding, baggage and timing issues and didnt manage to bring back with me all the things i had originally intended. But i got really lucky and have 2 friends who have an American bank account and they generously got American commodities shipped over (ie cream of mushroom soup, stuffing mix, cranberry sauce, marshmallows and of course libby’s pumpkin pie mix) i feel so lucky that we all got to have such a taste of home. I was also really lucky that my host family generously let me borrow their propane gas oven, because my microwave size electric oven would not have accommodated our menu. The only weird thing about the dinner was that we didn’t succeed in obtaining a turkey, as a vegetarian I have no idea what kind of meat is available here in my site, so we made do with a full chicken, no one complained.

At times my kitchen felt a little small, but it was worth it to feel like my house was full, i think people enjoyed themselves and it was a really nice change from cooking alone in my kitchen and sharing my meal with episodes of the office and parks and rec. My lovely friends who got the stuff shipped for us (Lauren and Justin) came up a day early with their food cache and a bunch of stuff from their kitchen. i've never cooked so much food for so many people. realistically this was the biggest kitchen undertaking i've ever done and i think it turned out really well. everyone was full and happy and I barely had to do any of the dishes (which to be honest is my favorite thing about cooking for other people ).

I find I get a huge amount of emotional satisfaction from cooking and hosting for other people. To me food is the craft that everyone appreciates. I used to make home made presents for people all the time (ie bracelets, necklaces, crocheted things etc) and while i try and tailor gifts to the people i'm giving them to,  I can tell sometimes that I am handing someone something they will never use, it will sit on their dresser for a few years out of guilt and then they’ll either give it away or sell it at a tag sale or something. Food however, unless you have allergies or some kind of disorder is something that everyone appreciates. I love making something delicious and fun and then serving it to people. I have a dream of someday hosting dinner parties around an outdoor fire pit or something. Le sigh.

So in short thanksgiving was both wonderful and successful and I’m so proud of the hard work Lauren and I did cooking it. Huzzah.

In other non-food related news I’ve theoretically started at my youth center. Even with all the leg work and publicity I did in the weeks leading up to it I still had pitiful (read next to no) attendance. Just like last year I know patience and perseverance is key. I also have an ace in the hole with this new sports association who may or may not be doing some publicity for me to do another class later in the evening? I’m not 100% sure- meetings always have the possibility of mis-communication and lost in translation. But, I’m excited to have new work partners and a group of fun, motivated young men who like me and seem to have my back in a totally appropriate way.  Nothing else really exciting to report.

That’s all for now…. But! If any of you are like… wow… I haven’t seen or talked to michelle in so long,… or wow! It’s so close to Christmas I should send michelle a present because she’s so awesome my list is short. Yarn for crocheting stuff (more then 1 skein so as to ensure there is the possiblitiy of completing a project) anything pumpkin flavored, peanut butter,  mac and cheese, any kind of salty snack and if you’re feeling super fancy the stowaway backpack from llbean (in green). Wow. I sure do beg a lot on this blog… sorry guys. I hope you are all doing well and staying warm.

the lovely lauren working hard

our kitchen assistants! lucia and justin

first course of deviled eggs, home made bread, ranch dip and pumpkin soup with coconut milk 

thanksgiving dinner!  green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, stuffing, onion gravy, veggie quiche, garlic mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and chicken! 

serving dinner

desert of pumpkin and apple pies

eating desert

so much delicious food!